why I don't take dating advice and seem bitter :)

I don't like making many blog posts about "dating" but I was thinking about this post I made on facebook, like it just started getting to me, it was a joke but it was this:

person: "why are you single"
me: "I'm the real life version of kat stratford" lol
well... that IS the reason

and it annoys me, it's a joke based in truth but it annoys me that if you are a male, you are expected to be yourself and if you say dumb things to get a girl, people say "poor guy" and "she should give him a chance"

but if you are a girl and you don't respond or act in the exact way that males think you should based on fictional characters they've seen in action movies, you're "mean" or "clingy" or "crazy"

if you are mean, it has to be comically mean but you also have to be super attractive and not wearing much... if you want to act a certain way, you have to conform it into something that is acceptable to males... otherwise, society will label you and look down on you

and you can't be single or not want kids if you're a woman, otherwise you're bitter

well maybe I am...

I have been hurt and treated terribly by half of the guys I've ever been involved with, and I've been sexually assaulted and verbally harassed by men (plural) and I have been verbally, emotionally, spiritually and mentally abused by more than one ex boyfriend... but as I write this I have to say HALF, I have to say SOME males don't know how to act, because God and my conscience will not let me make generalizations about the entire male gender based on even MOST of the the ones I've known... because I know there are some guys that aren't like that, because some of the best people and friends I have/had are male, and they are/were nothing like that... not to me or any woman... plus my family members that are male and of course the best person to walk the earth was Male, Jesus Christ came to earth in a Male body

I'm not bitter against all males, I don't hate men just because I have better judgement than I did as a teen and I don't do things to impress "boys" and I have self respect, I have been through things in relationships that most people don't EVER deal with at all...

I was responsible for a suicide because my dumb jealous fiance was mad that a guy called me, and I didn't want to hurt his precious male ego or be a "cheater"

and when I found out my best friend, that called me for the last time and got hung up on after simply saying "hey" committed suicide

I wasn't allowed to be sad, I couldn't grieve because my fiance would be jealous, then I was resentful and even though I didn't really give a crap who he talked to, I got angry when he talked to females, not out of jealousy but out of spite for what had happened... but I was seen as crazy by him and some of his friends (but most are super cool, shout out to dustin & eric) and by his family who had no clue what was really going on.... but at least I didn't talk to a guy on the phone while I had a bf that one time (I had secretly though to that one guy because he was literally like a brother, would've that day too had my bf not been there) I did what girls are supposed to do, I was the perfect gf, over and over, and it costed a life, 
and my dignity later when I was used by someone else repeatedly, who thought I deserved it because his brother forcefully kissed me and couldn't take no for an answer and wouldn't just be my friend and lied to everyone and said we were dating and that we'd had sex, and we didn't EVER
and it cost almost my sanity and my life when my other ex was inches away (about a foot and half, literally) from shooting me with a machine gun, because I had an "attitude" about him literally cheating on me for months, I almost got murdered for not being "chill" about it
(I mean we were shooting bottles, because he was teaching me to shoot, and it's a long story but he was very angry, and I did fear for my life)

so no you won't convince me that you are right about how nice I HAVE to be to guys to "get them to like me" if you don't like me the way I am, that's your problem, not mine... I'm on my own journey with God and if He tells me to act a certain way, I certainly will but I don't need dating advice, and I will not risk my life or virtue or dignity to seem "nice"... I am nice to people in general but if you disrespect me I don't know why you'd expect me to just take it, I've taken quite enough of that and it's idiotic to just trust people when I've known some super dangerous people, and thieves most of my life... so sorry if I seem harsh about it, but don't assume that I just think it seems "cool" to be a "tough girl" or "hard to handle"

I'm not hard to handle, ask any of the actual nice guys that I've talked to, their perception of me is probably leaps and bounds different than the mean one's I just mentioned... seriously... hmmm possibly because I don't like being a personal object for someone to control and manipulate and torture, it kind of causes someone to have an emotional reaction when they are treated like that

but in reality I am super nice, and kind and romantic, when I am truly in love or even if you're just nice and respectful to me... like just treat me like a human being, that's all women want (or should want) that's all, is that so hard???