people having an emotional response to Art (specifically tv & movies) is good for society
Let's start this off by me explaining what triggered my writing this. A lot of the time I tend to talk about tv shows in a different way than most people, this is because I think differently than most people and therefore, watch things differently.
Some things are mindless fluff, of course, but mainly I watch things with about a million things going through my mind at once. The psychology behind the character's behavior, memories of past behaviors of said character, relationships between characters, what they are feeling at any given moment, people they remind me of in real life, and is this an example of something that could influence my christian life, or how christianity is viewed in general.
And that's just to name a few...
Part of this comes from the fact that I am a writer, but that's not to say I do it on purpose to learn about writing. It's just that being a writer and having a "writer's brain" is what causes this. I made no decision to be a writer or to think this way, it's just naturally a part of who I am.
I took a Myers-Briggs personality test in middle school that said I was an INFJ, and I found the paper as an adult and redid the test online and got INFP... meaning I grew up to be more perceptive than judgmental. And although, if you look at the list of famous people with that personality type, I am in great company, it is also confined to a small (4%) of the population.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFP
So the point is almost no one around me understands me really, I'm not trying to be emo or a hipster here, it's just the truth. I've been blessed enough to meet a few people who seem to "get" me, all are fellow artists. I would assume they are also INFP, or close to it, as well. Or possibly that test is bullcrap and it's just that artists think differently than most people. Who knows?
But since most people don't share my way of thinking, most of my ramblings about the meanings and psychological implications of "Arnold and Helga's" relationship on "Hey Arnold" (and things like that) are met with blank stares, laughter, "it's just a tv show", "you're thinking to deep into it" (my personal favorite) and sometimes even straight up mocking. But really, all but one of those are forms of mocking in an essence.
People don't do this to me to hurt my feelings, or to be mean or make me feel isolated. They simply can't relate (which is part of the difference in the first place, but I'll get to that.) I don't really understand the joy of talking about curtains, recipes and the weather or whatever it is "normal" people talk about. And I detest gossip, because it's a horrible, evil thing, and is rarely true. And when it is true, people don't talk about the whole story. I hear gossip, and I do the same thing with that information that I do with tv, movies, or songs... (or even football games). My brain goes through a very fast process of analyzing the information in relation to the other factors that I know of the subject's life. I think about what psychological reasonings could be behind the behavior being talked about. I could go on and on about this but I'm getting off topic.
Basically, I don't like gossip, I don't get it. I don't get thrilled about other people's bad decisions. I don't mean to sound judgemental here, but we all know gossip is wrong. I'm just explaining why it's bad from the perspective of someone who doesn't enjoy it. Because usually you only hear people who love it talking about it, and they say something like: "gossip is bad, but it's so fun!" and they try and turn it into a joke but what they are really doing is just trying to justify it somehow by acting as though it isn't a big deal.
But what does all this have to do with my crying about fictional characters?
Well, lots actually. Because of the way I think, and the things I am passionate about, I watch or listen to art of all forms with an artist's filter. I don't just watch it and enjoy myself and then after it's over, forget about it. Sometimes I wish I could, to be honest. But as I explained in an earlier post,
http://hlfpoeticopinion.blogspot.com/2015/08/art-influences-everyone.html
I analyze everything and use it, either for writing or for learning something about life in general. And though this probably seems like a lot of work for most, it's actually just my first reaction. There is no effort on my part that causes this, it just happens.
And I'm not the only one, a lot of people (even if they don't think like me or analyze everything) cry at movies, and some tv shows. Side note: I'm not sure but it seems more socially acceptable to cry at movies, than at tv shows and I'm not sure why that is. But most people don't understand why they do this, and most are mocked about it. They are considered too sensitive. But actually they are having the right reaction.
https://thearmitageeffect.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/crying-over-you-why-its-ok-to-grieve-over-fictional-characFOters/
There is a quote at the beginning of that article, and because I know 90% of you will not click the link, it says: ” I try to make the readers feel they’ve lived the events of the book. Just as you grieve if a friend is killed, you should grieve if a fictional character is killed. You should care. If somebody dies and you just go get more popcorn, it’s a superficial experience isn’t it?” -George RR Martin, author (Game of Thrones)
That is the basis for what the title of this blog is saying, in a nutshell. But for the person that is stoic all the time during emotional scenes, they think of it as an accomplishment, people take pride in being "unfazed" by things. I don't understand that either, except that they want to seem "tough" or uncaring. And they are sort of right about one thing. You probably aren't tough but you could be uncaring. Maybe this doesn't apply to all people, but people who don't get emotional when shown sad scenes (real or not) tend to not have much empathy, period. You can argue that it's just because they know the characters aren't real and that they have control of their emotions. And maybe for you, those are desirable traits, and that's your prerogative, but it isn't really that beneficial to you or those around you.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/lifestyle/8-Reasons-Why-People-Who-Cry-In-Movies-Are-Awesome/quickstirshow/42363381.cms
I also read a study not long ago about people who start reading a lot, early in life. It proved that people who read fictional stories (not real) a lot during their childhood, grew up to be more empathetic adults. But you say, you don't have to be empathetic to be nice to others, right? Well that is true, you don't HAVE to be but it does help, as proven in the study discussed in this article...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-moral-molecule/200902/why-we-cry-movies
people who were feeling empathetic (due to watching a sad scene) at the time of being asked, gave more (or all of) their money to charity.
There is pretty convincing proof that crying or getting emotional during movies and tv means you are more empathetic. But does that mean you are a better person?
Well no, obviously there are so many other factors to what makes someone a good person. Add in the fact that some overly sensitive people not only feel sadness quicker than others, but also anger, or stress. Not all, but some.
However, empathy is a huge factor in determining how you treat others. If you don't feel the pain of others, it's harder to connect the dots in your mind that when you do or say mean things to people, it hurts them. Of course you know that, and it could be why you are doing it. But for an empathetic person (I know from experience) even if you accidently hurt someone's feelings, you literally feel their pain and instantly regret it. I'm not saying that couldn't be perceived as somewhat selfish, because if hurting others hurts you and that causes you to not hurt others, you are actually just trying to avoid feeling hurt. But typically (and realistically) empathy is seen as a selfless trait.
here's an example of what I go through, or "how I saw it", since this is fresh in my memory:
*spoiler alert: once upon a time*
(killian and hook are the same person)
I watched the finale of "once upon a time" last night, and even though I read the recap the day after it aired, and then avoided watching it for a couple of days, because I wasn't emotionally prepared. Knowing what was going to happen didn't help, it almost made it worse, because I didn't have as much hope for the ending. Of course, in the end, I know how this show is and Killian will be rescued and it will all be resolved, because I've seen the entire series so far and that's just how it works.
But none of that stopped me from sobbing uncontrollably starting when he looked like he was about to do the right thing, and not stopping until a few minutes after the show had ended.
The writers of this show are really good, especially at tugging at our emotions, if you haven't seen the show before, they do a cut scene to a whole other story during the entire episode, in nearly all episodes. Meaning we see two separate storylines that switch back and forth during the whole episode, and sometimes it doesn't connect, but last night's "past story" was about hook's childhood and his father leaving him and his brother (both about 7-10) to be slaves for some pirates (this is not what caused him to be a pirate, that's another heart wrenching story by itself)
And the writers were super smart for doing this, because in the last couple of episodes hook has been "bad" (through no fault of his own really) but they needed to reconnect the audience to the "real" hook, and so the "in the past" story showed us some of his humanity and although he did something bad in the past, we see him in a new way. Not just as someone who was hurt by the deaths of the 2 people he loved most until he met Emma (which is also sad), but also as someone who was reacting as a villain at some points because of being traumatized as a young boy when he was abandoned by his dad. Adult killian is still somewhat that broken child, and his dad was very loving acting, and promised to be there for him, Killian trusted his dad, and his dad left him with some pirates to be their slave (that's really bad) and this causes killian to be untrusting of anyone. And so in the scenes where he is being the villain, he's being very bad, but we know inside there is still the real killian who is a good person. And he looks at Emma who's family is about to be literally sent to the underworld for no reason, and it's sort of her fault AND hook's fault. Killian looks at her and decides to overcome the forces that are forcing him to be mean (I mean, it mostly wasn't his fault in the first place at all) and he made Emma kill him, because that was the only way to save everyone. She was sobbing and I was sobbing and I had flashbacks of some of the heroic and nice things killian has done, like taking henry (emma's son) out on the boat, and just being a good guy.... and Hook was crying a little, and even the people around them were crying. When I see another human being crying, I cry. Whether it's Emma Swan, who's a fake character on a very unrealistic show (physically and scientifically, not emotionally).
Or a real person.
And that's another thing, it's not just about seeing bad things happen to people, because look at action movies. The hero shoots a bunch of bad guys and no one cares. Or in jurassic park, the dinosaurs kill a bunch of people and it's no big deal. We aren't emotionally invested in the characters, or if they are bad, we are glad they are gone. That doesn't completely translate to reality, because we are sad somewhat when anyone dies whether we know them or not. But I think what really makes a difference, is not how we feel about the characters, but how the other characters react. Sure if a character we love dies, it's sad. But think about the scenes in which someone that loved them was there, begging them to survive. We relate to that on so many levels. Or it's just our human reaction and empathy. I literally felt heartbroken, not just for killian but for Emma. I could go on and on about that episode but I won't. It is a good example though.
And what does this teach me? or what does it remind me of? well first of all Emma was planning the whole time to sacrifice herself for her family (also cried when she said that) and that of course makes me think of Jesus. Who said (paraphrased) that laying down your life for a friend is the greatest act of love there is. How could you not get emotional watching someone do that? even if it is "just a tv show" it's sad and it's beautiful... and I just sort of feel sorry for the people who either can't, or don't let themselves, feel all the things they can. I feel like I get the most out of life and art when I let myself see all that there is to be seen in a piece of art.
And even though it's just a story, it's a mirror of reality on some level. I've even cried writing my own work. Once even in a MYSTERY short story. Who cries while reading a mystery? Let alone writing one? But I did. It was an emotional scene, but I wasn't even that connected to the story as a whole, I was just writing it because a submission opportunity was available for that genre. Maybe I am a "sap" or "overly sensitive" or "weird" for caring so much about fictional characters. Or maybe I just use these characters to teach me about people and real life in general. Just maybe I learn a lot about people and life and myself from art, I mean isn't that what it's for?
Some things are mindless fluff, of course, but mainly I watch things with about a million things going through my mind at once. The psychology behind the character's behavior, memories of past behaviors of said character, relationships between characters, what they are feeling at any given moment, people they remind me of in real life, and is this an example of something that could influence my christian life, or how christianity is viewed in general.
And that's just to name a few...
Part of this comes from the fact that I am a writer, but that's not to say I do it on purpose to learn about writing. It's just that being a writer and having a "writer's brain" is what causes this. I made no decision to be a writer or to think this way, it's just naturally a part of who I am.
I took a Myers-Briggs personality test in middle school that said I was an INFJ, and I found the paper as an adult and redid the test online and got INFP... meaning I grew up to be more perceptive than judgmental. And although, if you look at the list of famous people with that personality type, I am in great company, it is also confined to a small (4%) of the population.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFP
So the point is almost no one around me understands me really, I'm not trying to be emo or a hipster here, it's just the truth. I've been blessed enough to meet a few people who seem to "get" me, all are fellow artists. I would assume they are also INFP, or close to it, as well. Or possibly that test is bullcrap and it's just that artists think differently than most people. Who knows?
But since most people don't share my way of thinking, most of my ramblings about the meanings and psychological implications of "Arnold and Helga's" relationship on "Hey Arnold" (and things like that) are met with blank stares, laughter, "it's just a tv show", "you're thinking to deep into it" (my personal favorite) and sometimes even straight up mocking. But really, all but one of those are forms of mocking in an essence.
People don't do this to me to hurt my feelings, or to be mean or make me feel isolated. They simply can't relate (which is part of the difference in the first place, but I'll get to that.) I don't really understand the joy of talking about curtains, recipes and the weather or whatever it is "normal" people talk about. And I detest gossip, because it's a horrible, evil thing, and is rarely true. And when it is true, people don't talk about the whole story. I hear gossip, and I do the same thing with that information that I do with tv, movies, or songs... (or even football games). My brain goes through a very fast process of analyzing the information in relation to the other factors that I know of the subject's life. I think about what psychological reasonings could be behind the behavior being talked about. I could go on and on about this but I'm getting off topic.
Basically, I don't like gossip, I don't get it. I don't get thrilled about other people's bad decisions. I don't mean to sound judgemental here, but we all know gossip is wrong. I'm just explaining why it's bad from the perspective of someone who doesn't enjoy it. Because usually you only hear people who love it talking about it, and they say something like: "gossip is bad, but it's so fun!" and they try and turn it into a joke but what they are really doing is just trying to justify it somehow by acting as though it isn't a big deal.
But what does all this have to do with my crying about fictional characters?
Well, lots actually. Because of the way I think, and the things I am passionate about, I watch or listen to art of all forms with an artist's filter. I don't just watch it and enjoy myself and then after it's over, forget about it. Sometimes I wish I could, to be honest. But as I explained in an earlier post,
http://hlfpoeticopinion.blogspot.com/2015/08/art-influences-everyone.html
I analyze everything and use it, either for writing or for learning something about life in general. And though this probably seems like a lot of work for most, it's actually just my first reaction. There is no effort on my part that causes this, it just happens.
And I'm not the only one, a lot of people (even if they don't think like me or analyze everything) cry at movies, and some tv shows. Side note: I'm not sure but it seems more socially acceptable to cry at movies, than at tv shows and I'm not sure why that is. But most people don't understand why they do this, and most are mocked about it. They are considered too sensitive. But actually they are having the right reaction.
https://thearmitageeffect.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/crying-over-you-why-its-ok-to-grieve-over-fictional-characFOters/
There is a quote at the beginning of that article, and because I know 90% of you will not click the link, it says: ” I try to make the readers feel they’ve lived the events of the book. Just as you grieve if a friend is killed, you should grieve if a fictional character is killed. You should care. If somebody dies and you just go get more popcorn, it’s a superficial experience isn’t it?” -George RR Martin, author (Game of Thrones)
That is the basis for what the title of this blog is saying, in a nutshell. But for the person that is stoic all the time during emotional scenes, they think of it as an accomplishment, people take pride in being "unfazed" by things. I don't understand that either, except that they want to seem "tough" or uncaring. And they are sort of right about one thing. You probably aren't tough but you could be uncaring. Maybe this doesn't apply to all people, but people who don't get emotional when shown sad scenes (real or not) tend to not have much empathy, period. You can argue that it's just because they know the characters aren't real and that they have control of their emotions. And maybe for you, those are desirable traits, and that's your prerogative, but it isn't really that beneficial to you or those around you.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/lifestyle/8-Reasons-Why-People-Who-Cry-In-Movies-Are-Awesome/quickstirshow/42363381.cms
I also read a study not long ago about people who start reading a lot, early in life. It proved that people who read fictional stories (not real) a lot during their childhood, grew up to be more empathetic adults. But you say, you don't have to be empathetic to be nice to others, right? Well that is true, you don't HAVE to be but it does help, as proven in the study discussed in this article...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-moral-molecule/200902/why-we-cry-movies
people who were feeling empathetic (due to watching a sad scene) at the time of being asked, gave more (or all of) their money to charity.
There is pretty convincing proof that crying or getting emotional during movies and tv means you are more empathetic. But does that mean you are a better person?
Well no, obviously there are so many other factors to what makes someone a good person. Add in the fact that some overly sensitive people not only feel sadness quicker than others, but also anger, or stress. Not all, but some.
However, empathy is a huge factor in determining how you treat others. If you don't feel the pain of others, it's harder to connect the dots in your mind that when you do or say mean things to people, it hurts them. Of course you know that, and it could be why you are doing it. But for an empathetic person (I know from experience) even if you accidently hurt someone's feelings, you literally feel their pain and instantly regret it. I'm not saying that couldn't be perceived as somewhat selfish, because if hurting others hurts you and that causes you to not hurt others, you are actually just trying to avoid feeling hurt. But typically (and realistically) empathy is seen as a selfless trait.
here's an example of what I go through, or "how I saw it", since this is fresh in my memory:
*spoiler alert: once upon a time*
(killian and hook are the same person)
I watched the finale of "once upon a time" last night, and even though I read the recap the day after it aired, and then avoided watching it for a couple of days, because I wasn't emotionally prepared. Knowing what was going to happen didn't help, it almost made it worse, because I didn't have as much hope for the ending. Of course, in the end, I know how this show is and Killian will be rescued and it will all be resolved, because I've seen the entire series so far and that's just how it works.
But none of that stopped me from sobbing uncontrollably starting when he looked like he was about to do the right thing, and not stopping until a few minutes after the show had ended.
The writers of this show are really good, especially at tugging at our emotions, if you haven't seen the show before, they do a cut scene to a whole other story during the entire episode, in nearly all episodes. Meaning we see two separate storylines that switch back and forth during the whole episode, and sometimes it doesn't connect, but last night's "past story" was about hook's childhood and his father leaving him and his brother (both about 7-10) to be slaves for some pirates (this is not what caused him to be a pirate, that's another heart wrenching story by itself)
And the writers were super smart for doing this, because in the last couple of episodes hook has been "bad" (through no fault of his own really) but they needed to reconnect the audience to the "real" hook, and so the "in the past" story showed us some of his humanity and although he did something bad in the past, we see him in a new way. Not just as someone who was hurt by the deaths of the 2 people he loved most until he met Emma (which is also sad), but also as someone who was reacting as a villain at some points because of being traumatized as a young boy when he was abandoned by his dad. Adult killian is still somewhat that broken child, and his dad was very loving acting, and promised to be there for him, Killian trusted his dad, and his dad left him with some pirates to be their slave (that's really bad) and this causes killian to be untrusting of anyone. And so in the scenes where he is being the villain, he's being very bad, but we know inside there is still the real killian who is a good person. And he looks at Emma who's family is about to be literally sent to the underworld for no reason, and it's sort of her fault AND hook's fault. Killian looks at her and decides to overcome the forces that are forcing him to be mean (I mean, it mostly wasn't his fault in the first place at all) and he made Emma kill him, because that was the only way to save everyone. She was sobbing and I was sobbing and I had flashbacks of some of the heroic and nice things killian has done, like taking henry (emma's son) out on the boat, and just being a good guy.... and Hook was crying a little, and even the people around them were crying. When I see another human being crying, I cry. Whether it's Emma Swan, who's a fake character on a very unrealistic show (physically and scientifically, not emotionally).
Or a real person.
And that's another thing, it's not just about seeing bad things happen to people, because look at action movies. The hero shoots a bunch of bad guys and no one cares. Or in jurassic park, the dinosaurs kill a bunch of people and it's no big deal. We aren't emotionally invested in the characters, or if they are bad, we are glad they are gone. That doesn't completely translate to reality, because we are sad somewhat when anyone dies whether we know them or not. But I think what really makes a difference, is not how we feel about the characters, but how the other characters react. Sure if a character we love dies, it's sad. But think about the scenes in which someone that loved them was there, begging them to survive. We relate to that on so many levels. Or it's just our human reaction and empathy. I literally felt heartbroken, not just for killian but for Emma. I could go on and on about that episode but I won't. It is a good example though.
And what does this teach me? or what does it remind me of? well first of all Emma was planning the whole time to sacrifice herself for her family (also cried when she said that) and that of course makes me think of Jesus. Who said (paraphrased) that laying down your life for a friend is the greatest act of love there is. How could you not get emotional watching someone do that? even if it is "just a tv show" it's sad and it's beautiful... and I just sort of feel sorry for the people who either can't, or don't let themselves, feel all the things they can. I feel like I get the most out of life and art when I let myself see all that there is to be seen in a piece of art.
And even though it's just a story, it's a mirror of reality on some level. I've even cried writing my own work. Once even in a MYSTERY short story. Who cries while reading a mystery? Let alone writing one? But I did. It was an emotional scene, but I wasn't even that connected to the story as a whole, I was just writing it because a submission opportunity was available for that genre. Maybe I am a "sap" or "overly sensitive" or "weird" for caring so much about fictional characters. Or maybe I just use these characters to teach me about people and real life in general. Just maybe I learn a lot about people and life and myself from art, I mean isn't that what it's for?
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