Wrote this about a week after Chris died
Grief is such a stupid word, it's minimizing and it sounds common and non threatening, like "passed away" or "mourning" it's the sugarcoated words we use to make sure no one feels uncomfortable or intruded on by our pain or the terrible things that happen I don't feel grief, I feel heartbroken, and lonely, angry and defensive and depressed and it sucks, I can't be around people or ill have to fight tears or be "rude" because I don't feel like talking about the weather or something, or have to lie and say I'm fine when I'm not fine, I started to do laundry on Friday and forgot all about it until today, I don't feel like going out and having fun, I don't want to do my daily tasks or work on things I have to do or clean or any of it, it's a struggle to get out of bed... I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it but it won't leave me alone